Share 'Why is it so hard for me?'

I recently lost my father. I thought I was doing good, because my philosophy has always been that it's much better on the other side and that death was beautiful, so I truly don't understand why I am still have anxiety over him dying. There was a bit more to it, we pulled the plugs (he did ask us too) after an 8th month battle for his life. I had never been in a room when someone died, much les...